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What's the one personality trait that you have that gets in the way of you doing what you want to do in life?
If you think it is impossible to change that trait, I'm sorry to tell you that your self-transformation journey to realize your dreams will never start...
You might as well forget about your own dreams and go join the herd of people living life according to someone else's dream. Sorry.
"But!" I can hear some of you say, "I can't just change who I am. I can't become more intelligent, or more creative, or more outgoing like some people!"
I wouldn't be very convincing if I just told you, "yes, you can!" because I know your type wouldn't buy that kind of positivist BS. 💩
But I will say there are two types of people in life:
There are those who believe that change is possible, and those who think that everything is fixed; that the game is rigged; the dice rolled and we are what we are, forever.
Only the first type is capable of starting a self-transformation journey...
"At this very moment, you can choose to put yourself in either a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. One leads to a life of pain and stagnation. The other to endless growth and fulfillment." - Marie Forleo
What does self-transformation even mean?
We often hear about self-awareness but what does self-transformation mean in a practical sense?
The word transformation feels deeper, more empowering than simply being aware of who we are as unique human beings.
Self-transformation implies what we seek to reshape ourselves, to shift into a WHOLE NEW person.
✔️ A lifetime procrastinator becomes someone who gets shit DONE.
✔️ The 'failure' who dropped out of college becomes the first one to earn $100k in her family.
✔️ The 'big one' in her family becomes the woman who started understanding that her emotional eating issues were from emotional neglect she was never aware of as a child. She begins to lose weight naturally as she heals her past wounds.
✔️ After years of broken relationships, an Avoident starts healing her attachment issues and learns how to sustain a long-term relationship.
Self-transformation takes us way beyond self-awareness.
In the transformation process, we actively and consciously refine ourselves to our liking.
We smoothen the ragged edges of our childhood experiences. We stay curious and receptive.
And we mold ourselves through hard work and discipline so we can achieve a result that reflects our strongest beliefs and values.
How do you completely change yourself?
Self-transformation starts with a tiny spec of hope, let loose.
Your unwanted personality trait is your inner saboteur. Fighting this inner saboteur is the wrong approach that'll just make it harder for you to transform yourself.
But if you nurture hope and self-compassion, everything will be easier for you.
Here are a few steps you can take to embark on your self-transformation journey:
Step 1: Start Believing
So, the first step to start believing change is possible is to conceive of hope.
But hope doesn't spring out of air and form a rainbow slide leading to your dreams.
Hope is birthed when it is allowed out, when we stop telling ourselves the lie that 'we are what we are' and proceed to act on those lies.
It means to stop repeating to yourself, "I'm not creative" and then avoid ever doing anything creative.
Or when we think we are too shy or anxious to go to a party, so we don't go. This is action or inaction based on fear and a lie that we convince ourselves is true because we are constantly proving to ourselves it is true.
It's cyclical thinking and cyclical living.
The way out is to take risks. To stop caring for once what other people think and to take a chance.
To allow yourself to fail.
You let loose that tiny bubble of hope, you take a risk, and you will either make a win or you'll run for cover again.
In the process, you learned new ways to talk to yourself - you got in some practice!
Every time you take a risk and do something contrary to what you believe yourself to be capable of, you build hope.
And ultimately, you build up your personal power!
Step 2: Question Everything and Push Yourself
Challenge yourself again, and again, and again if you want to live your dream.
Identify not just the big saboteur within yourself that stops you from doing what you want in life, but all the other nay-saying supporters of that saboteur. Demote them, one by one. Work on yourself.
In chasing my dreams, I learned that along the way I had no clue what kind of person I would have to become to realize those dreams. All I could see was the face of the saboteur within that was blocking my way to the next step.
Ten steps later, I could no longer recognize who I use to be. It makes me laugh now to think I was afraid of cold calling or of speaking in front of a large group at a networking event.
So, think about the kind of person you'll need to become to live the life of your dreams. Write down all the personality traits, habits, and fears that you'll need to defeat to get there, and start making little challenges each day to face them.
Need help? Check out how I wrote my life manifesto that helped me outgrow imposter syndrome for good!
Your self-transformation is in your own hands
Life is full of choices and every choice is your responsibility, nobody else's. As you become self-aware of your strengths and weaknesses, think about how you're going to use them to achieve your vision, dreams and goals.
What strength can you hone in on? And what weakness do you need to eradicate or fix?
Whatever you choose to do, remember this: we can modify our thoughts and beliefs resulting in actions that create change.
Live in a growth mindset!
And don't accept your enemy as a permanent part of yourself when you know it's standing in the way of what you want out of life!
To help you enrich your life in at least one small way each day to help make you a more motivated, ambitious, resourceful, confident, and self-reliant AF person, I created a special self-transformation newsletter just for you.
Subscribe to my Self-Reliance Rituals Newsletter below to get it! 👇